“Women are complaining that men write on Tinder often just ‘Hey’. In the case of the Dating App, Bumble, women have to make the first step. And lo and behold: the women Also write, mostly ‘Hey’ to start a conversation. That was the first realization of my self-experiment.
Since a couple of weeks, I’m Bumble, although I Dating Apps hate. It should be an Experiment: How to respond to women, if I write directly in my profile that I have HIV?
I know for about six years that I am HIV-positive. I hadn’t plugged in at the time, in the case of a woman who knew herself that she is HIV-positive. As I had recovered from the first shock, there were also questions: How can I Known it? Friends? Members? And finally: How do I say it to women I meet?
Especially in the beginning, I was ashamed and was afraid of the reactions. In the case of the first Dates after my diagnosis, I have withheld my infection is often easy. I thought it was my private thing, I expect, that I’m other to tell of their diseases.
Since I take a daily anti-retroviral medication, my viral load in years, below the limit of detection – I cannot transmit the HI-Virus so sexually. Side effects I have none, I feel healthy. In addition, I always use condoms, because of other sexually transmitted diseases. And of course, to avoid unwanted pregnancies. Condoms should be a matter of course, whether HIV or not.
So that the pathogen does not multiply, people need to swallow after an HIV diagnosis to end-of-life regular pills. An early and strict treatment can reduce the number of viruses in the blood, so that the excitation Tests are undetectable. With timely start of treatment, there is a good chance to a normal life expectancy. Under successful treatment, HIV itself is in the Sex, not transferable.
Source: Deutsche Aids-Hilfe
So, I was long of the opinion that my infection is nobody’s business. If I told you, I always make a huge Drama out of it, according to the Motto: ‘Aaah, I have something very Terrible to confess’.
The reactions to it were equally terrible: most of them have reacted very shocked, were totally insecure and have reported then never again. The Ghosting was actually the worst. If you had at least said that this is too much and you don’t want to deal with it. I would have understood. But the more honest I was, the more I was rejected. This has of course contributed to the self-consciousness.
When I met my Ex-girlfriend in front of about one and a half years, has changed all that. She has shown me that an open relationship with my HIV-infection can make me attractive. And that it is not a flaw, but an interesting effect, if I am self-conscious.
Since then, I’ve changed my attitude to my illness. I mention the infection may not be necessarily in the first sentence. But, at the latest, for questions to my profession I say that I write a lot about sexuality and HIV and I am HIV-positive.
I’ve noticed that it makes a difference, when I look at it as a terrible fate, but as a matter of course – because for me it is now a matter of course. Then the women respond quite differently: they are interested and curious questions about life, and what it is like with HIV. Then I clear on the one hand, steering the conversation, but also a very open, intimate level.
When I came to the idea of online Dating to try out, I wanted to see if women react differently when they know from the outset that I am HIV-positive. In an App, you need to give me Yes no removal – you can contact me wegswipen easy. I had expected that I wouldn’t get a Match, and me for a week then log out.
Probably the currently most famous Dating App is Tinder. The Start-up world’s estimated 50 million users. While Tinder is now available for quick Sex Dates known, there are Alternatives, such as Lovoo, Badoo, or Bumble. The latter is mainly used in the USA are already very popular. Unlike other Apps, only the women in the case of a Match, within 24 hours, as the first letter. The principle is otherwise similar to that of Tinder: There are members propose that it is either to the left (not interesting) or to the right (interesting) wipe can.
Source: Website of the Bumble
Surprisingly, I got but some of the Matches, for a total so far of 14. With two of them I wrote then. One has even said directly that she thinks it’s brave that I am so open with my HIV-infection. With her, I met then. She said: ‘at Least your profile is boring.’
For me, it was like a liberation. We were able to speak from the beginning in the open about it, the cards were on the table, there was the unpleasant ‘I have something to tell you’Moment. There is nothing came of it, but it was a long, intense evening.
Through the attempt, I noticed that there are women who already have a basic understanding of HIV and the Transmission. You have no fear of the issue. Maybe also due to the fact that I’ve dated in Barcelona, where I live some months out of the year. There is a large Gay Community, where HIV is a bigger issue than it is for us Heteros. In the case of the gay Dating sites HIV is already an Extra tab to Tick. Many have gay friends and are informed, therefore, better.
Despite the positive experience of the trial has confirmed what I already knew: online Dating is too impersonal, I use Bumble more than Experiment. I need the thrill I got, when I speak to someone. I want a beautiful history of learning to Know, since I’m a romantic. I don’t want to have to tell you that I’ve seen my girlfriend for the first Time, as I was just sitting on the toilet and around geswiped have.
I often wonder how I would have reacted before my diagnosis: I Would have matched the wife, if there had been, she has HIV? I wish I could say I would have to right geswiped.”